On Articles of Clothing and Lawyers from the 1880s Who Hang Out at My Parents' House

You Can’t Wear that Shirt If You Want to Be My Friend!

Dream Description:
In this dream, it was Wednesday evening.  I drove to Liberty University to pick up some friends who ride with me to church choir practice.  In the waking world, this is an actual event that takes place every Wednesday.  I always drive to LU and pick up these people.  When I pulled up to the Music Hall where they were waiting for me in my dream, one of my friends—Andrew—was wearing the same shirt as me.  I was incensed.  I was filled with rage, and I rolled down the car window before he even got in and said, “No.  Go change.”  Then we were back at his dorm, and I made him change his shirt.

ANALYSIS:
I am such a jerk.

At first, I thought this dream just meant that I subconsciously hate Andrew even though consciously, I like him very much.  But then I started thinking that I must be against all types of solidarity and brotherhood.  I think that if this had happened in real life, I would have wanted to do the same thing.  I would have wanted to tell him to go change his shirt.  I wouldn’t have actually done it, but it would have been my first inclination.  Why?  Because I’m a jerk.  Because I want to have my own style, my own unique personality, my own identity that is special and separate from everyone else.  Narcissism.

Obviously, I have Jealous-Red-Envy-Gollum Syndrome, which is a disease that makes you angry when white people wear the same clothes as you.  The pseudo-cure for this disease is to yell at Republicans.

This dream also signifies how Andrew is awesome, and I should be more like him.  Less like a perfectly unique snowflake, more like a cog in an enormous grandfather clock; less like a self-absorbed void, more like a benevolent soul; less like an asshole, more like a human being.

The Lawyers from the 1880s are Dueling in my Parents’ Bedroom

Dream Description:
I was at my parent’s house in Maryland which was also a saloon filled with lawyers from the 1880s or something.  They all had on 1800s-looking suits and hats.  And there was a western saloon bartender guy in my parents’ bedroom, so if you wanted a beer, you could just go to my parents’ bedroom.  We were all watching TV—me and the 1880s lawyers—when I realized that I needed to brush my teeth.  I opened a tube of toothpaste, and ice cream and oreos kept coming out of it instead of toothpaste.  So I spread the ice cream/oreo mixture all over my teeth.

ANALYSIS:
The lawyers represent adulthood.  The fact that they were all drinking beer and hanging out at a saloon is significant because it shows that even refined, moral people are allowed to drink, which is why I’m a Presbyterian.  Saloons are normally places associated with angry drunks, loose women, tawdry entertainment, and violent duels.  For my brain to place respectable, law-abiding citizens in such a setting shows that I am super mature and responsible . . . I guess.

On the other hand, the saloon was also my parents’ house, so maybe this dream represents the few high school parties I had at my parents’ house when I was a teenager—parties in which pizza was eaten, board games were played, and PG movies were viewed.  Yeah, I was a bad-ass in high school.

The moral of the story is that you should always brush your teeth.

Forbidden Fruit

Forbidden Fruit

Dream Description:
In this dream, I kept eating rotten fruit for breakfast even though I knew I had fresh fruit in the kitchen.  I found the rotten fruit in my laundry, and I remembered how I had bought it like two months ago.  It tasted really good even though it was rotten, so I just kept eating it.

I was also on facebook, and I kept posting this as my status:

“March is kind of like Jesus.  They both have that Lion/Lamb thing going on.”

I posted it about sixteen times.


ANALYSIS:
On the surface, this dream is about religion.  At first glance, it is easy to see that the laundry fruit is just like the forbidden fruit from the Garden of Eden story.  I am obviously encroached upon by sinful behaviors such as forgetting to do my laundry and forgetting to do the dishes—and basically just being a disgusting man.

From a more thorough analysis, however, it is clear that this dream signifies that dinosaurs from outer space exist.  And they are on facebook.  And they will have a war with zombies in the year 2017.  And it will be awesome.

That’s actually the dream I wish I’d had.

Also, at the Second Coming, Jesus will not be riding a white horse, but a white dinosaur—probably a t-rex, possibly a velociraptor.

So this dream is really more of a prophecy than an insight into the human subconscious.


THIS TOO:
I wrote this poem right when I woke up, with my dreams fresh on my mind.  I just wrote whatever came to my head.  I didn’t try to make it good.  I didn’t try to make it anything.  I didn’t edit it at all.  It just is what it is.  Not serious, not real, just there.  I hope you enjoy it:

When I sleep with the fruit by my bed
I have diamonds like belief in my head
And the fruit grows to be twice its size
When I reach for it, know I’m alive

No one else in the world could be mad
When they see how I’m loved by my dad
Or when they bite into rotten fruit
I know I have a brain that I use

Rotten fruit like a sickness in my cup
With the worms and disease fill me up
Like a sin that you touch for just once
By your bed, keep it there for to love

Just like Eve in her garden of Dreams
I have traded the bright, heavy Green
For the wrong and distracted obscene
For the fruit that I eat by my bed
Is the rotting disease in my head
Eat it up, fill my cup by the tree
Satan is looking up right at me
Then my arm falls asleep, and it’s back to reality.

That’s my poem that I wrote when I was high on dreaming.