Awesome Weekend Dreams

So I went to this weekend retreat thing in the woods with some guys from my church, and I have some real gems to share from the past two nights:

Chevy the Racist

Dream Description:

I am at the retreat, and everything looks the same as it does in the waking world.  Except a young version of Chevy Chase is our keynote speaker instead of the other dude who really spoke.  Picture Chevy Chase during his Saturday Night Live days.  He welcomes us by saying, “We’re so happy all of you are here.  All are welcome.  We want all kinds of people here” (and then he starts yelling like he has a demon inside him) “EXCEPT YOU @*$#!% FILIPINOS!”

And then I woke up.

ANALYSIS: 

My first thought after I woke up was, “Damn, Chevy.  Calm down.”  And then I started thinking, “Holy crap.  What is wrong with me that my subconscious hates Filipino people?”  I promise that I do not hate Filipino people.  I hate white people with a stern, impassioned vengeance (especially white men—they think they’re so cool with their business suits and receding hairlines).  But Filipino people are awesome.  I have no idea why Chevy Chase screamed at them in my dream.  Maybe I’m just a racist when I’m asleep.

The Meaning of Life

Dream Description:

I am again at the retreat.  It is pouring down rain.  I see myself in the dream walking down a sidewalk that doesn’t actually exist in the real world.  I am passing all these enormous gazebos while walking in the rain, but I don’t go into any of them for shelter—I just keep walking until I get to one gazebo where a really old man with a long, gray beard is sitting smoking a pipe.  He tells me something about the meaning of life, and I instantly forget it because a half-deer-half-human walks by.

ANALYSIS:

The rain represents the sadness we feel when engrossed in material possessions.

The gazebos are like metaphorical shelters we could take, but we are blind because it is raining.

The old man with the pipe represents Ernest Hemingway.

The deer-human represents my deep longing for centaurs to be real.  I know centaurs have the body of a horse (not a deer) with the torso of a man, but it is the same basic concept.  Imagine how awesome it would be if there were really centaurs, and they were just assimilated into society.  There would be centaur doctors, centaur teachers, centaur travel agents, centaur astronauts, centaur architects.  IT WOULD BE SO FREAKING AWESOME!  What if you could say to your friends, “Yeah.  My fourth grade teacher was a centaur.”  Or, “You should have that looked at by a doctor.  Here’s my doctor’s number.  He’s a centaur.  He’ll definitely be able to help you.”  That would be so cool.

Teeth

Dream Description:

My friend Asherah is working at a bar that I walk into.  She serves me a few drinks and a brownie sundae.  I was talking to a bunch of other people there, but I don’t remember who they were.  Slowly, I get this awful feeling in my gut that I am about to lose something very precious to me—like something awful and unbearably depressing is going to happen.  I am still sitting in a booth at this bar Asherah works at.  My back right molar starts to feel weird.  I reach into my mouth and feel that it is very loose, and it just comes right out.  I feel the gap in my mouth that the tooth has left, and I feel very sad.  I look at the tooth and realize that it is decayed and oddly shaped--it doesn't even look like a tooth should look.  Another tooth on my top set of teeth start to feel weird.  Full of dread, I reach into my mouth to wiggle it, and it comes out just as the other tooth did.  I feel the gap it has left and taste the blood on my gums.  I think, “Well, at least I still have all my front teeth, and if I smile in the right way, no one will know I’m missing teeth.”  But I am very sad sitting in the booth of the bar with my alcohol and brownie sundae remains, holding two of my teeth in the palm of my hand.

ANALYSIS: 

I once read somewhere that if you lose your teeth in your dream, it means you are feeling insecure about a major change in your life or you are possibly mourning some sort of loss.

I think the major change/loss in my life is that I’m not singing Messiah this year.  Also, I used to have a big tub of ice cream in my freezer, and now I don’t.

Actually, it is probably the loss of Lynchburg friends, which would make sense of Asherah’s presence in the dream.

So my teeth represent my friends who I can’t hang out with anymore.  They also represent saxophones.  And toy dinosaurs.  And chest hair.  I don’t know why.  They just do.

The brownie sundae is like going to an art film.  You think it is going to be awesome and make you an awesome person, but it just gives you diarrhea.

THE END