The Nightmare of Spring

The following is a dream description and analysis of a crazy dream had by my friend Asherah Capellaro:

The Nightmare of Spring

Dream Description:
(Written by Asherah - The Patient)
This past Saturday I went to a concert that featured several of Stravinsky’s most famous works. Fourth on the program was part 2 from The Rite of Spring, which was composed for the ballet. It is a really terrifying, post-tonal work. That night I dreamed that I was actually at the ballet seeing The Rite of Spring instead of just hearing it. I’ve never, ever seen a version of this ballet so I don’t know where this choreography came from that I was dreaming about, but it was really creepy. I was dreaming about the end where the young maiden dances herself to death for a fertility ritual sacrifice. The stage was all dark and creepy and then, you know how in horror movies when it’s dark and then a light flashes and you think you see something scary but far away, and then after a few seconds the light flashes again and it’s a little bit closer, and then it flashes a third time and it’s a crazy inbred hill person in your face about to murder you? That’s how this part in the ballet was but instead of a crazy inbred hill person it was the dead girl. I remember feeling really afraid and nauseous. My friend Matt was sitting next to me (Matt whose blog you’re reading) and he was like, “Holy *&%#! This is freaking me out! Are you freaking out right now? Because, my brother-in-law is up in here freaking out!” Now, this part is confusing because, in real life, Matt doesn’t have a brother-in-law. He has two brothers. So I’m hoping that in my dream either Matt is married and his wife has a brother, or he has a sister who is married, because otherwise I’m concerned about where the ‘brother-in-law’ came from. Anyway, I was so scared I couldn’t answer him. At this point in the ballet people in the audience are getting up and running from the theatre in tears. They’re trying to get out of the theatre but they can’t because the doors are locked. Then some strange lady comes up to me and starts angrily telling me that I had better do something about the doors so that people can get out. I’m really confused about why she thinks I will be any help getting the doors unlocked because I’m just a grad-student and I don’t have that kind of authority. I get up anyway because I feel bad for the people who are trying to get out and I know that some of them are so scared that they really want to go to the bathroom to throw up, and I’m afraid if I don’t let them out they’ll start vomiting all over the theatre. Somehow I magically got the side doors to the theatre opened and the ballet ended and everything was ok.


ANALYSIS:
(Written by Matt - The Doctor)
The dreamer of this dream (Asherah “Baked Potato” Capellaro) clearly has a Messiah Complex.  She feels she can and must save the world from tragedy and vomit.

In the dream, the young maiden from the ballet actually represents Asherah.  The maiden’s dance signifies Asherah’s continuing battle with the teachings of Ghandi.  If she doesn’t think she has an intellectual battle with the teachings of Ghandi, she is wrong.  This battle wages within her heart even if she only knows it in her subconscious.  This is clear because of her expectation that the form of the dead girl would be an “inbred hill person.”  Only an intellectual battle with Ghandi’s teachings can be signified by inbred hill people.

The flashing lights and the dead girl represent the time-space continuum.  It also means that Asherah should wear sunglasses every day to protect her eyes.

Her nausea is probably a combination of eating a bad pierogi before bed and actually thinking about what 20th century music means.  Seriously, much of 20th century music is so devoid of hope, it’s enough to make anyone nauseous.  And pierogies before bed is never a good idea, Asherah.

My presence and the presence of my non-existent brother-in-law represent African American culture’s correct response to truly disturbing classical works like “The Rite of Spring.”  Re-read what I said in the dream.  I sound like a sensible, but gangsta black dude.

The nightmare as a whole represents what is known as Pseudo-Intellectual Recurring Night Owl Vision Holy Syndrome—a condition made famous by Zelda Fitzgerald (F. Scott Fitzgerald’s wife who killed herself).  This is a serious condition in which the brain perceives all 20th century art and literature as a means of psychological torture.  There is no cure for this disease . . . except for listening to Sufjan Stevens music.

Classic Messiah Complex with Pseudo-Intellectual Recurring Night Owl Vision Holy Syndrome.

Awesome Weekend Dreams

So I went to this weekend retreat thing in the woods with some guys from my church, and I have some real gems to share from the past two nights:

Chevy the Racist

Dream Description:

I am at the retreat, and everything looks the same as it does in the waking world.  Except a young version of Chevy Chase is our keynote speaker instead of the other dude who really spoke.  Picture Chevy Chase during his Saturday Night Live days.  He welcomes us by saying, “We’re so happy all of you are here.  All are welcome.  We want all kinds of people here” (and then he starts yelling like he has a demon inside him) “EXCEPT YOU @*$#!% FILIPINOS!”

And then I woke up.

ANALYSIS: 

My first thought after I woke up was, “Damn, Chevy.  Calm down.”  And then I started thinking, “Holy crap.  What is wrong with me that my subconscious hates Filipino people?”  I promise that I do not hate Filipino people.  I hate white people with a stern, impassioned vengeance (especially white men—they think they’re so cool with their business suits and receding hairlines).  But Filipino people are awesome.  I have no idea why Chevy Chase screamed at them in my dream.  Maybe I’m just a racist when I’m asleep.

The Meaning of Life

Dream Description:

I am again at the retreat.  It is pouring down rain.  I see myself in the dream walking down a sidewalk that doesn’t actually exist in the real world.  I am passing all these enormous gazebos while walking in the rain, but I don’t go into any of them for shelter—I just keep walking until I get to one gazebo where a really old man with a long, gray beard is sitting smoking a pipe.  He tells me something about the meaning of life, and I instantly forget it because a half-deer-half-human walks by.

ANALYSIS:

The rain represents the sadness we feel when engrossed in material possessions.

The gazebos are like metaphorical shelters we could take, but we are blind because it is raining.

The old man with the pipe represents Ernest Hemingway.

The deer-human represents my deep longing for centaurs to be real.  I know centaurs have the body of a horse (not a deer) with the torso of a man, but it is the same basic concept.  Imagine how awesome it would be if there were really centaurs, and they were just assimilated into society.  There would be centaur doctors, centaur teachers, centaur travel agents, centaur astronauts, centaur architects.  IT WOULD BE SO FREAKING AWESOME!  What if you could say to your friends, “Yeah.  My fourth grade teacher was a centaur.”  Or, “You should have that looked at by a doctor.  Here’s my doctor’s number.  He’s a centaur.  He’ll definitely be able to help you.”  That would be so cool.

Teeth

Dream Description:

My friend Asherah is working at a bar that I walk into.  She serves me a few drinks and a brownie sundae.  I was talking to a bunch of other people there, but I don’t remember who they were.  Slowly, I get this awful feeling in my gut that I am about to lose something very precious to me—like something awful and unbearably depressing is going to happen.  I am still sitting in a booth at this bar Asherah works at.  My back right molar starts to feel weird.  I reach into my mouth and feel that it is very loose, and it just comes right out.  I feel the gap in my mouth that the tooth has left, and I feel very sad.  I look at the tooth and realize that it is decayed and oddly shaped--it doesn't even look like a tooth should look.  Another tooth on my top set of teeth start to feel weird.  Full of dread, I reach into my mouth to wiggle it, and it comes out just as the other tooth did.  I feel the gap it has left and taste the blood on my gums.  I think, “Well, at least I still have all my front teeth, and if I smile in the right way, no one will know I’m missing teeth.”  But I am very sad sitting in the booth of the bar with my alcohol and brownie sundae remains, holding two of my teeth in the palm of my hand.

ANALYSIS: 

I once read somewhere that if you lose your teeth in your dream, it means you are feeling insecure about a major change in your life or you are possibly mourning some sort of loss.

I think the major change/loss in my life is that I’m not singing Messiah this year.  Also, I used to have a big tub of ice cream in my freezer, and now I don’t.

Actually, it is probably the loss of Lynchburg friends, which would make sense of Asherah’s presence in the dream.

So my teeth represent my friends who I can’t hang out with anymore.  They also represent saxophones.  And toy dinosaurs.  And chest hair.  I don’t know why.  They just do.

The brownie sundae is like going to an art film.  You think it is going to be awesome and make you an awesome person, but it just gives you diarrhea.

THE END

Holden Caulfield and Jesus

Holden C.

Dream Description:
In this dream, I am trapped at the bottom of a 50-foot well with a bunch of children.  I am throwing the children one by one all the way up the well with the strength of a superhero so they will be safe.  Slowly, I begin to wonder who is going to save me . . . . . . .

ANALYSIS:
In this dream, I am sort of like Holden Caulfield except instead of being the Catcher in the Rye, I am the Thrower in the Well.  This dream probably means that I have chronic psychosomatic pseudo-Christ figure syndrome--a debilitating condition that makes me mourn the loss of my innocent childhood and use curse words in really awesome ways.

Jesus Christ - Superstar

Dream Description:
Some old guy wearing a white t-shirt and a leather vest is putting on a rock concert.  I've never heard of him, but I am at his concert, and I am loving his music.  His hair is gray and he has a beard.  He's also really fat.  I look at a clock on the wall of the concert hall and see that it is 10:30.  I feel very irritated because I realize that I have to leave the rock concert now to get ready for a Concert Choir performance.  I am in PA 145 (the old band room at my college) about to change into my tux when this girl from Concert Choir comes up to me.  She is really worried about pronouncing words in German.  I tell her that the w's sound like v's and the j's sound like y's.  She is flabergasted by this news and pleads that I help her go through some of the text to our German pieces.  I oblige, but I am getting irritated because I still need to change into my tux.  The performance time is getting closer, and I am afraid Dr. Hugo will walk in, and I won't be ready.  I finally shut her up, but before I can change, my friend Stephanie comes up to me, and we start talking about public school vs. private school.  She tells me that the only thing she learned in public school was facts about the life of Harriet Tubman.  Then her mom home-schooled her from 2nd grade on.  (I don't think this is actually true of her--it was only true in my dream.)  We begin talking about spelling words, and I recount how I can still see the spelling word pages from my second grade spelling assignments in my head.  That's how I can spell. [In my dream journal, I spelled the word spell "speell" at like 4:30 in the morning.]  I get flustered because I am trying to end the conversation so that I can change and Dr. Hugo won't get mad at me for not being in concert dress.  Suddenly, Dr. Hugo walks in, and I am not ready.  I feel very afraid of his disapproval.

ANALYSIS:
In this dream, Dr. Hugo represents Jesus.  I am afraid that I spend too much time pleasing other people rather than preparing myself by dressing not in a tuxedo, but in love.

Also, I apparently find rock music more stimulating than classical music subconsciously.

The girl from concert choir represents crazy people.

Stephanie represents the joy of knowing how to spell words.

2nd grade represents 2nd grade.

Harriet Tubman represents Moses.

The old rock 'n' roll guy represents going to a minor league baseball game--you think you are going to hate it, and then you are pleasantly surprised because it is Thirsty Thursday and there's lots of beer.

The most important thing about this dream is that one of my college professors represents Jesus.

First Two Dreams

To set the standard for this and subsequent posts, I will not comment about anything weird or absurd in the dream description.  I will simply tell what happened in the dream.  In the dream analysis, I will make fun of myself.

Ok.

First Dream Description:
I am auditioning for the part of a caterpillar in an opera for Opera Roanoke.  The auditions are being held at the Wal-Mart on Wards Rd., and Sufjan Stevens is in charge of casting.  Except instead of being the full-grown Sufjan Stevens we all know and love, he is Sufjan Stevens as a little kid.  I sing my piece for him while other people are shopping.  (Apparently, Wal-Mart hasn't shut down its store for the auditions.  They are just letting the auditions be held in one of the aisles.)  I can't tell what little kid Sufjan Stevens thinks of my performance.


ANALYSIS:
I listen to WAY too much Sufjan Stevens.  I NEED to branch out.  Also, him being a little kid and judging my performance probably means that I'm afraid my K-5 students are judging me.  I'm probably afraid that I suck at my job.  I don't know what opera has a caterpillar in it, but since I'm auditioning for that part, maybe I am destined for a rebirth of some kind sometime soon.  Or maybe I am just destined to get really, really fat.

The dream also serves as a reminder that Wal-Mart is a diverse and welcoming place for all types of people.



Second Dream Description:
I am best friends with Will Smith.  We are driving in his car around what appears to be the beltway of DC rapping "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" and having an awesome time.  All of a sudden, we see these three teenage boys on the top of a bridge.  I get a really bad feeling in my stomach and one of the boys hurls himself several feet off the bridge onto the busy highway where he dies on impact.  I cannot see him land, but I know he must be dead.  Will Smith pulls the car over and we get out, struck with the dread of what just happened.

Next thing I know, a centaur reporter is on the scene with a camera crew, filming a segment on the tragic news.  The centaur is interviewing all kinds of people about their opinion of the suicide.  A debate between Christians and Secular Humanists breaks out.  Each side is arguing about whose fault it is that the boy killed himself--like whose philosophies are most detrimental to society and might cause people to jump off bridges.  I also remember the centaur saying something about Earth Day coming up.

ANALYSIS:
My friendship with Will Smith represents stability and joy.

The three teenage boys represent faith, hope, and love.  Love dies.

The centaur is probably symbolic of my desire for centaurs to be real.

The debate means that I should read less before bed.

Earth Day means that the earth is more important than the death of one boy.

Mostly, this dream means that I should be a rapper.

First Post, Son.

Wat up, gangsta rappas?  This is my krazy (that's krazy with a "k") blog about all the freakishly weird and often violent dreams that I have.

In this blog, I will post all the ridiculous dreams I have along with an analysis of my subconscious.  It's going to be awesome.  There will be a lot of blood in it as I often dream about violence, but there will also be a lot of hope because one time I dreamed that I was best friends with Will Smith.  If that doesn't say hope, I don't know what does.

Enjoy!